YOUR CHILD’S HEALTH CARE: MINIMIZING THE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN
Parents must remember that even though their relationship has ended, they are still the joint parents of their children, and always will be. As bitter and tense as many marriage breakups seem to be, it is possible to act in a way which will minimise the damaging effects on the children. Here are some things that are worth remembering:
• Always try to be open and honest with your children.
• Try to diminish the involvement of children in disputes. In particular, it is important not to use the children as a way of getting back at one’s former partner. Avoid having children caught in the middle.
• There will inevitably be disagreements about aspects of parenting, such as choice of schools, health care, discipline, and so on. If there are differences that need to be resolved, consider discussions by phone, or in person when the children are not around.
• Avoid ‘bribing’ children during custodial visits. Parents often compete with each other to gain favour with their children.
• Negotiate access visits that are reliable yet flexible. Nothing is worse for a young child than the disappointment of a suddenly cancelled visit to a parent, or a planned phone call that doesn’t eventuate.
• Consider counselling for yourselves as a couple, after the separation as well as before it. Post-separation counselling is often extremely helpful in resolving issues between the parents, and thus making things easier for the children.
• Consider counselling and therapy for your child if there continue to be concerns about him after the separation. Family therapy is often very helpful. Your doctor or nurse will be able to recommend an appropriate professional.
• There are a number of good books that have been written about divorce and blended families. Check with your local library or bookstore.
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