GAMES FOR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COUPLES – GAME 2: HEADACHE (PART 1)
Players: Passive wife and aggressive husband.
Activist: Husband, without wife’s knowledge or cooperation.
Aim: Resolve the defensive posture of the wife by “killing with kindness,” and change the husband by having him give up his tendency to guilt-trip or threaten.
Game Plan: This game is for the passive-aggressive couple in which the wife is the passive and the husband is the aggressive, and their sexual relations are epitomized by the “Not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache” syndrome. Couples who get stuck in this syndrome are invariably locked in a particular kind of impasse. In this fix, the wife appears to be a kind, giving person who takes care of the husband and children—and, indeed, often treats her husband as if he were one of the kids. But when it comes to adult sexuality, she avoids it. The husband likes being pampered by the wife and feels guilty about wanting more sex. His response to being sexually frustrated is to beg, guilt-trip, and threaten his wife: “Please, I need it!” he may say—or, “I don’t know why I put up with a wife like you”—or, “Maybe I’ll have an affair.”
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