In The Odd Couple, Felix (the control freak) is always chastising Oscar (the slob), telling him to pick up after himself, wash his dishes, clean his room, eat better foods (not junk foods), and generally act more mannerly. Felix not only gets to order Oscar around, he also continually assumes and expresses moral outrage at Oscar’s slovenly ways. Oscar, meanwhile, continually foils Felix’s attempts to control him and shrugs off his companion’s moral outrage. If Felix picks up after Oscar and gives him a lecture, Oscar almost immediately—and not always absentmindedly—drops something else. Hence he defeats all of Felix’s attempts to control him and ends up infuriating his tormentor. In fact, the two are playing out the role of the scolding parent and the recalcitrant child.

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The husband may have to continue this game for days— even weeks. Sometimes his “headaches” will occur with respect to small matters, such as emptying the trash, and sometimes with regard to bigger things.

“Why aren’t you getting dressed?” the wife asks.

“I’m sorry. Going to the theater gives me a headache.”

“You never got headaches when we went to the theater before.”

“That’s true, but I’m getting them now.”

“You know, this game of yours is no longer amusing.”

He places his hands on his temples and looks as if he is about to faint. “And I’m getting sick and tired of you not taking my headaches seriously. You think I’m faking, don’t you, because I want to get out of going to the theater? I wish you could respect my feelings just once. Is that too much to ask? All you think about is your own needs—never mine!” (This little speech should be an imitation of one of her repetitious tirades brought on when he formerly approached her for sex.)

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He licks in circles around each of her breasts and asks, “Is that all right?” If so, he continues. He licks each of the nipples, and bites each one gently. Then he runs his tongue down to her belly button and licks around it—then slides down to her vagina. He licks around her vagina and asks, “Is that all right?” If so, he continues. He licks her inner thighs, then bites each knee, and then each elbow.

He then takes the ice bag and runs it slowly about her body. He circles her breasts, then grazes each nipple. He runs the bag up her neck and around her right temple, over her forehead, down her left temple, very lightly across her lips, down her chin, around the rims of both ears, around her breasts again, down each inner arm, across each palm, then down to the belly button, around it, then down to the pubic hair, around it, down to the vagina, around it, then gently across it, then down the inner thighs, inner calves, and over the top of each foot.

Next he takes the hot washrag and follows the same route.

Next he takes the feather duster and follows the same roate:

Next he kisses her, following the same route. Next he covers her with a comforter and gently rubs her all over.

Next he lies on top of her, holding her hands, and rubs his body against her. Then he kisses her softly on the lips. Then he asks, “Is it all right?”

If so, he asks, “Would you like an inner massage now, madam?”

If the answer is no, he stops the massage right there. If the answer is yes, he proceeds to fondle her, making sure she is wet, and then enters her. Looking at her and keeping her hands in his, he begins to have intercourse. He says, “It’s very important to have an inner massage every so often. Try to think only of the inner massage now—but if you do think of something else, then gently return to the inner massage and think of that again. If you start thinking of how glum life is, then go ahead and think about how glum life is but then return to the inner massage and think of that. If you start thinking about how meaningless your existence is, then go ahead and think about the meaningless of existence and then return to the inner massage and think of that. Are you thinking about the inner massage now? Is it all right? Are you feeling better and better? It’s all right if you want to come. I will protect you while you come.”

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Players: Passive wife and aggressive husband.

Activist: Husband, without wife’s knowledge or cooperation.

Setting: Bedroom.

Aim: Resolve the defensive posture of the wife by “killing with kindness,” and change the husband by having him give up his tendency to guilt-trip or threaten.

Game Plan: This game is for the passive-aggressive couple in which the wife is the passive and the husband is the aggressive, and their sexual relations are epitomized by the “Not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache” syndrome. Couples who get stuck in this syndrome are invariably locked in a particular kind of impasse. In this fix, the wife appears to be a kind, giving person who takes care of the husband and children—and, indeed, often treats her husband as if he were one of the kids. But when it comes to adult sexuality, she avoids it. The husband likes being pampered by the wife and feels guilty about wanting more sex. His response to being sexually frustrated is to beg, guilt-trip, and threaten his wife: “Please, I need it!” he may say—or, “I don’t know why I put up with a wife like you”—or, “Maybe I’ll have an affair.”

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It can take months—even years—of therapy for such couples to break through these resistances. However, through erotic games, the wishes, fantasies, and feelings will often be prodded loose rather more swiftly as a by-product of play. The spontaneity associated with sexual play undermines rigid character defenses and hastens confrontations that would otherwise continue to fester.

Following are five games to be used by bored couples. Games 1 and 2, “Seduction Surprise (by the Wife)” and “Seduction Surprise (by the Husband),” are variations of the same game. These would be excellent starting games for the husband and wife described above. Which game should be played first depends upon who is “boring” and who is “bored.” In the case just discussed, it would probably be the husband who would be the game activist, since he would feel most sexually deprived and therefore eager to try something new. In cases where it is the wife who is feeling frustrated sexually (or otherwise), and therefore most bored, she would be the game activist.

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